Most recent public comments by Elijah Morrison https://writingpartners.net/users/3285 https://writingpartners.net/documents/9992?scroll_to=56678 https://writingpartners.net/documents/9992?scroll_to=56678 By Napoleon keeping what he thinks as "harmful" information out of the eye of the public, he is actual stealing away their right to fully know what is going on in their government. Wed, 25 Feb 2026 14:14:48 -0500 https://writingpartners.net/documents/10553?scroll_to=56158 https://writingpartners.net/documents/10553?scroll_to=56158 By teaching high school students how to properly deal with law enforcement, we can ensure the safety and smooth process between cops and students. Thu, 12 Feb 2026 16:18:53 -0500 https://writingpartners.net/documents/10553?scroll_to=56157 https://writingpartners.net/documents/10553?scroll_to=56157 This is an extremely important thing to be teaching high school students, before they become adults. Thu, 12 Feb 2026 16:18:24 -0500 https://writingpartners.net/documents/10363?scroll_to=55645 https://writingpartners.net/documents/10363?scroll_to=55645 By teaching high school students how to properly deal with law enforcement, we can ensure the safety and smooth process between cops and students. Tue, 10 Feb 2026 10:56:56 -0500 https://writingpartners.net/documents/10363?scroll_to=55641 https://writingpartners.net/documents/10363?scroll_to=55641 This is an extremely important thing to be teaching high school students, before they become adults. Tue, 10 Feb 2026 10:55:37 -0500 https://writingpartners.net/documents/9721?scroll_to=52557 https://writingpartners.net/documents/9721?scroll_to=52557 1. I added more detail as to the context of his speech. 2. I added more higher-level vocabulary words. 3. I added a statement complimenting McCain for his ability to realize the flaws in not only the Democratic party but also the Republican party, which he is a part of. Thu, 11 Dec 2025 16:41:22 -0500 https://writingpartners.net/documents/9721?scroll_to=52513 https://writingpartners.net/documents/9721?scroll_to=52513 **Score (current draft):** - Thesis: 1/1 - Evidence & Commentary: 2/4 - Sophistication: 0/1 --- ### 1) What you’re asking for + big picture You want to sound more “sophisticated” without losing clarity or your own voice. On the AP rubric, that connects especially to the **Sophistication** point, but also to stronger **Evidence & Commentary**. --- ### 2) Thesis & focus (clarity before fancy language) Right now you *do* have a defensible thesis (“McCain…dictate that…need to focus on working together…”), so you’d earn the thesis point. To sound more mature, focus on precision and focus first: - Where exactly do you state your claim about **how** McCain argues (his *rhetorical choices*) rather than just *what* he believes? - Can you name his methods more clearly (e.g., his **position as a senator**, his **critique of both parties**, his **appeals to shared duty**)? Try revising your opening so it answers: **“McCain uses his position as ___ and his strategy of ___ + ___ to argue that…”** Don’t write it here—just sketch ideas in your own words. --- ### 3) Evidence & commentary (moving from summary to analysis) AP rubric language: right now you “explain how some of the evidence relates,” but your line of reasoning is a bit thin and drifts into agreement (“I think that McCain’s argument is very valid”). To sound more sophisticated: - Zoom in on words/phrases in the quotation: - “incremental progress” - “compromises that each side criticizes but also accepts” - “muddling through” - “it’s usually the most we can expect” Ask yourself: - What *attitude* toward government do these phrases reveal (optimistic? resigned? realistic?) - How does that attitude help him persuade Senators who might dislike compromise? - Why might calling it “muddling through” actually be a **strategic choice**, not just casual language? Try writing out answers like: - “When McCain calls progress ‘just plain muddling through,’ he suggests that… which helps him…” Again: your words, not mine. --- ### 4) “Sophisticated language” (what it *actually* looks like) On the rubric, sophistication isn’t big words; it’s **nuance + control**. A few moves you can try: 1. **Name rhetorical moves instead of just the topic.** - Instead of “McCain uses his point-of-view…” → what does that *do*? Appeal to ethos? Shared identity? Experience? 2. **Show tension or complexity.** - He both *criticizes* partisanship and *accepts* the system’s limits. - He sees compromise as “criticized” *and* necessary. 3. **Cut filler and repetition.** - You repeat “uses his point-of-view” and the idea that parties should “work together.” - See if you can say each idea once, sharply. Questions for you: - Where in your paragraph could you add one sentence that shows a *tension* in his view (e.g., unity vs. conflict, idealism vs. realism)? - Which single sentence right now feels most “basic” or repetitive that you’d like to upgrade? --- ### 5) Next steps: targeted revision invitations Pick one or two of these to try in your next draft (don’t do everything at once): 1. **Sharpen your claim about strategy:** - Revise your *first* sentence so it clearly says what rhetorical strategy (not just topic) you’ll analyze. - Ask: “What two or three key moves does McCain use to promote unity?” 2. **Deepen your analysis of the quote:** - Write 2–3 new commentary sentences just on “incremental progress” and “muddling through.” - Focus on: What picture of government does he paint? How might that picture affect Senators listening? 3. **Add nuance for sophistication:** - Add 1–2 sentences that show complexity, like: McCain knows compromise is frustrating but still necessary. - Ask: “How does he acknowledge his audience’s frustration while still pushing them toward unity?” If you’d like, paste just your revised paragraph next time, and tell me which of these three you focused on. I’ll rescore using the AP rubric language and help you tweak for more sophistication. *Choose the **Your Thoughts** button to let me know your reaction to the feedback I’ve provided and how you might revise. Also click **Your Thoughts** to tell me to focus in on specific paragraphs or criteria. Always follow up by clicking **Continue with AI**, choose me again and ask me for more feedback.* Thu, 11 Dec 2025 16:24:10 -0500 https://writingpartners.net/documents/9721?scroll_to=52501 https://writingpartners.net/documents/9721?scroll_to=52501 **Score (for this paragraph as a rhetorical analysis claim):** - Thesis: 0/1 - Evidence & Commentary: 1/4 - Sophistication: 0/1 --- ### 1) What you’re trying to do here You’re explaining McCain’s *message* about unity and compromise and briefly mentioning how he expresses it. For the AP rubric, this needs to turn into: - a clear **analytical thesis** about his rhetorical choices - specific **evidence + commentary** connecting those choices to his purpose. --- ### 2) Thesis / Claim Level Strengths: - You clearly see that McCain wants unity and compromise. - You mention his “point-of-view” and “strengths and weaknesses” of both parties. Growth move: - The AP rubric wants a **defensible thesis that analyzes rhetorical choices**, not your agreement. - Right now your last sentence is your opinion (“I think…”) rather than an analytical claim about his writing. Try revising your central claim to answer: - *Through what strategies/choices does McCain persuade the Senate that unity and compromise are necessary?* - *How do those choices fit his audience (Senators) and context (2017 health care vote, party division)?* You might jot a rough answer in your own words, *without* using “I think” or “I agree.” --- ### 3) Evidence & Commentary Level Strengths: - You quote a specific sentence from paragraph 8. - You link it to “unity and compromise” and “a better overall system of government.” Growth moves: - The rubric expects you to move from **summary** (“this quote helps us understand…”) to **analysis** (“this language makes his audience feel/think X because Y”). - Right now, you mostly restate the quote’s idea. To deepen commentary, ask yourself: - *Why does McCain praise “incremental progress” and “muddling through” instead of big victories?* - *How might those phrases affect Senators who are used to thinking in terms of winning/losing?* - *What does “each side criticizes but also accepts” suggest about his attitude toward conflict?* Use those answers to explain how the **specific words** in the quote work on his audience. --- ### 4) Sophistication / Nuance Level Strengths: - You hint at tension: “compromise, with some challenge.” That’s a seed of complexity. Growth moves: - The AP rubric’s sophistication point often comes from **exploring a tension** or **implication**, not just saying “this is valid.” - For example, you could explore: - the tension between idealism (big change) and McCain’s realism (“muddling through”) - the implication that our system is *designed* for slow, messy compromise, not quick partisan wins Ask: *What bigger idea about democracy is McCain suggesting when he calls “muddling through” the most we can expect? Is he criticizing, accepting, or defending that?* --- ### 5) Next-step invitations Here are three concrete revision directions you could try: 1. **Sharpen your thesis into analysis.** Rewrite your first 2–3 sentences so they clearly answer: *What is McCain’s main message about unity, and what key rhetorical move does he use to communicate it (e.g., acknowledging both parties’ faults, realistic tone, shared identity, etc.)?* Cut the “I think / I agree” from the main claim. 2. **Upgrade the quote commentary.** Under your quote, free-write 2–3 bullet points answering: - *How might Senators feel when hearing that “incremental progress” is the most we can expect?* - *How does that push them toward compromise instead of grandstanding?* Then turn those bullets into 2–3 sentences of analysis. 3. **Add one more specific rhetorical choice.** Look back at the paragraph around your quote. Does he: - use inclusive pronouns (“we,” “our”)? - contrast past cooperation with present division? - appeal to their duty or reputation? Pick **one** technique and explain how it reinforces his call for unity. If you paste your revised version, I can rescore it and help you push toward the next level on the AP rubric. --- *Choose the **Your Thoughts** button to let me know your reaction to the feedback I’ve provided and how you might revise. Also click **Your Thoughts** to tell me to focus in on specific paragraphs or criteria. Always follow up by clicking **Continue with AI**, choose me again and ask me for more feedback.* Thu, 11 Dec 2025 16:18:59 -0500 https://writingpartners.net/documents/9721?scroll_to=52494 https://writingpartners.net/documents/9721?scroll_to=52494 **Score (AP Lang 1–6 scale for rhetorical analysis): 2/6** (Rubric translation: Thesis 1 / Evidence & Commentary 1 / Sophistication 0) --- ### 1) What you asked for You asked me to grade your rhetorical analysis paragraph about John McCain’s 2017 speech on a 1–6 AP scale and explain why. --- ### 2) Thesis (AP rubric: 0–1) Score: **1** - You do **make a defensible claim** about McCain’s message: parties should work together and compromise. - But: your thesis focuses more on **what he argues** than on **how he argues it** (his rhetorical choices). **Revision questions:** - Can you add a phrase that names at least **one specific rhetorical choice** (tone, diction, appeals, structure, anecdotes, etc.) he uses to push that call for unity? - How might you show a **line of reasoning**, not just a position (e.g., “He does X and Y in order to Z”)? --- ### 3) Evidence & Commentary (AP rubric: 0–4) Score: **1** **Evidence:** - You use **1 direct quote** (paragraph 8), which is good, but AP expects **multiple specific details**. - You mention “strengths and weaknesses of both the Republican and Democratic parties,” but you don’t give **concrete examples** from the speech. **Commentary:** - You **summarize** what the quote suggests about compromise. - You don’t quite explain **how the specific language** (“incremental progress,” “muddling through”) works rhetorically on his Senate audience. - The last sentence (“I think that McCain’s argument is very valid…”) shifts to **your opinion**, not analysis of his methods or their effect. **Revision questions:** - What **exact words or phrases** in that quote signal McCain’s **realistic tone** about government? - How might those words **affect his audience** of senators (e.g., appeal to their experience, humility, shared frustration)? - Can you bring in **one more specific moment** from earlier or later in the speech (a story, contrast, or appeal to patriotism) that supports your claim about unity? --- ### 4) Sophistication (AP rubric: 0–1) Score: **0** - You stay fairly **surface-level**: McCain wants unity and compromise, and that’s good. - AP looks for either a **nuanced understanding** of his situation or **tensions/complexities** in his argument. **Revision questions:** - How is it **complicated** that McCain is a Republican criticizing his own party and also calling out Democrats? - What **tension** exists between “incremental progress” and the public’s desire for big, fast change? - How could you briefly gesture to the **political context of 2017** (polarization, health care debate) without going off-topic? --- ### 5) Next steps: 3 specific moves to raise this toward a 3–4 1. **Refocus your thesis on rhetoric, not just message.** Ask: *“What main techniques does McCain rely on to sell unity to his Senate audience?”* Try naming 2 of them in your opening. 2. **Add at least one more concrete piece of evidence.** Look for a passage where McCain: - appeals to **shared identity** (“we,” “our duty”), or - uses **contrast** between partisan bickering and real governing. Then explain how that choice **pushes senators toward compromise**. 3. **Shift from “I agree” to “here’s how it works.”** Replace personal reactions with thinking like: - *“By describing compromise as ‘muddling through,’ he normalizes slow, imperfect progress, which might…”* Focus on **purpose + effect** on audience every time you discuss a quote. If you paste a revised version, we can re-score it and see if it moves up a band on the AP rubric. --- *Choose the *Your Thoughts* button to let me know your reaction to the feedback I’ve provided and how you might revise. Also click *Your Thoughts* to tell me to focus in on specific paragraphs or criteria. Always follow up by clicking *Continue with AI*, choose me again and ask me for more feedback.* Thu, 11 Dec 2025 16:17:48 -0500 https://writingpartners.net/documents/9553?scroll_to=51615 https://writingpartners.net/documents/9553?scroll_to=51615 I think that this document also, however, shows that progress is being made towards peace, at least on the Ukrainian side. In order for full peace to be reached, the Russia army needs to stop attacking and bombarding the peaceful Ukrainian people. Tue, 25 Nov 2025 11:05:09 -0500 https://writingpartners.net/documents/9553?scroll_to=51610 https://writingpartners.net/documents/9553?scroll_to=51610 This article dispels the widespread belief that there is peace in Russia and Ukraine. While things are not as bad as they were in 2022 and 2023, it is obvious that peace talks have not been successful. Tue, 25 Nov 2025 10:59:21 -0500 https://writingpartners.net/documents/9171?scroll_to=50644 https://writingpartners.net/documents/9171?scroll_to=50644 With AI as an interviewer, how is one able to discern between a real and fictitious job, and how do you know if you are just completely wasting your time? Wed, 05 Nov 2025 16:50:25 -0500 https://writingpartners.net/documents/9171?scroll_to=50639 https://writingpartners.net/documents/9171?scroll_to=50639 The major thing that is currently separating humans and AI is our empathy and emotions. If humans lose that edge, AI, which is infinitely smarter than us, will have absolute advantage over humans. Wed, 05 Nov 2025 16:49:00 -0500 https://writingpartners.net/documents/9171?scroll_to=50633 https://writingpartners.net/documents/9171?scroll_to=50633 The fact that AI is constantly becoming more personal and smarter means that AI will eventually be able to perform many occupations at a higher standard than humans can. Wed, 05 Nov 2025 16:47:42 -0500 https://writingpartners.net/documents/9171?scroll_to=50624 https://writingpartners.net/documents/9171?scroll_to=50624 She notes that the AI was unable to correctly answer her questions regarding the job, showing that a human-to-human connection and experience would be better for this position. Wed, 05 Nov 2025 16:44:23 -0500 https://writingpartners.net/documents/9171?scroll_to=50622 https://writingpartners.net/documents/9171?scroll_to=50622 The question "Are you a human," feels like one that no one should ever have to ask. The fact that this woman is prepared for a face-to-face interview with a real person, and gets handed an AI job interviewer, it shows that AI is really taking over the workplace. Wed, 05 Nov 2025 16:43:30 -0500