Document: Invite

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[Student Example] Argument Essay (unfinished draft)

INTRO:

The life of a college basketball player stretches further than just a ball on a court. It’s an experience that paves a brighter future for athletes beyond just athletics. Although it’s easy to look at the pressure and time constraints that college athletes face on a weekly basis, the positives of sticking it out far exceed the difficulties. [Thesis (for now)]: Playing college basketball at any level provides a competitive advantage in the workplace while maximizing personal growth and athletic development.

PARAGRAPH 1 (personal growth):

Time management
Discipline
Builds leadership
Improves emotional and mental strength

PARAGRAPH 2 (advantages in the workplace):

While it’s true that a lot of success after graduation is based on one's education and/or skills, if the candidate played any college sport, specifically basketball, it adds an advantage when it comes to hiring rates and sustainability (use STUDY). (sentence based on the study). Furthermore, college sports creates a naturally expansive network between coaches, alumni, and sponsors that oftentimes open doors for future employment opportunities. Additionally, if there are two candidates up for a job with similar qualifications, employers lean towards the one that plays sports because of the skills that are hard to gain and nurture anywhere else before graduating.

PARAGRAPH 3 (athletic development):

CONCLUSION:

General Document Comments 0

Jan 17

Paul Allison Paul Allison (Jan 17 2026 11:02AM) : I'm working on this, can you give me some feedback to help me to finish it and get a good AP score? more

A deleted writing partner with Paul Allison's edits:

You already have a clear topic and a focused stance, which puts you in a good place for the AP argument rubric’s thesis point (“responds to the prompt with a thesis that presents a defensible position” from Row A Thesis).
Your thesis names three lanes (personal growth, workplace advantage, athletic development), which can give you a built‑in line of reasoning if each body paragraph clearly tracks one of those lanes.
To reach the higher Evidence & Commentary score (3–4 points in Row B Evidence and Commentary), the rubric says essays should “organize and support an argument as a line of reasoning composed of multiple supporting claims, each with adequate evidence that is clearly explained,” so you’ll want at least 1–2 specific, concrete examples in each paragraph (a moment from practice, a schedule, a quote or stat from that STUDY link) plus a few sentences tying each example back to your thesis.
For the sophistication point (Row C Sophistication), notice how they reward essays that “articulate implications or limitations” and “explore complexities or tensions,” so you might briefly acknowledge the real pressures on college athletes and then show why, in your view, the long‑term benefits still win out.

If you pick one section (intro, Paragraph 1, or Paragraph 2) and rewrite it in full sentences in the left pane, what specific story, stat, or vivid detail could you add right now to make your point feel more real—go ahead and click Continue with AI and try drafting that part?

Jan 17

Paul Allison Paul Allison (Jan 17 2026 11:08AM) : I'm trying to understand what is meant by a line of reasoning and how this is different than just providing evidence and commentary in each paragraph. What do you mean by "a built‑in line of reasoning if each body paragraph clearly tracks one of those lanes." What "lanes" are you talking about and how do I "track" them? more

A deleted writing partner with Paul Allison's edits:

A “line of reasoning” is the overall path your argument takes from start to finish—how each paragraph’s main idea connects back to your thesis and moves the same claim forward.
Evidence + commentary in each paragraph is about what you say inside that one stop on the path; line of reasoning is about how all the stops add up to one clear route for the reader.
In your draft, your thesis already sets up three “lanes”: personal growth, advantages in the workplace, and athletic development; those are the lanes I meant.
“Tracking a lane” means that in each body paragraph you keep coming back to one of those lanes and keep showing, with examples and explanation, how college basketball helps in that exact way (instead of mixing all three together in one paragraph).

Looking at your three lanes (personal growth, workplace, athletic development), which one feels easiest for you to follow all the way through a full paragraph in the left pane if you had to pick just one to draft right now—what stories or details pop into your mind first?

Jan 26

Paul Allison's Question Paul Allison and/or Argument Essay Performance Coach (Jan 26 2026 5:56PM) : I'm working on this, can you give me some feedback to help me to finish it and get a good AP score? more

Argument Essay Performance Coach with Paul Allison's edits:

Your topic and claim are clear and specific already, which lines up with the rubric’s “responds to the prompt with a thesis that presents a defensible position” from Row A of the Argument Essay Rubric.
To push that thesis toward a stronger “line of reasoning,” you might decide whether your three big benefits (personal growth, workplace edge, athletic development) will be your three body paragraphs and then name them in a clear order.
For Paragraph 1, you’ve got a nice cluster of ideas; one choice now is which single, concrete story or example you want to use to show time management or discipline instead of just listing them.
For Paragraph 2, the study you linked is a good move toward the rubric’s “specific evidence”; you might choose one key statistic or quote from it and then explain how it proves your claim about hiring and sustainability.

If you had to pick just one moment (a game, a practice, a class day) that shows how college basketball changes a player, which scene would you describe first in your draft—can you go ahead and type a few sentences of that scene in the left pane or in your next message so we can work with it?

Jan 26

Paul Allison's Question Paul Allison and/or Argument Essay Performance Coach (Jan 26 2026 5:58PM) : Can you help me to think about what to do for Rows B and C? more

Argument Essay Performance Coach with Paul Allison's edits:

You’re already set up well for Row A; for Rows B and C you’re really deciding what kinds of evidence and explanations you want, not just how many.
For Row B (“Evidence and Commentary”), notice the 4‑point description in the Argument Essay Rubric: it asks you to “provide specific evidence to support all claims in a line of reasoning” and to “consistently explain how the evidence supports a line of reasoning.”
In your plan, that could mean: 1–2 concrete examples or mini‑stories in Paragraph 1, 1–2 specific data points or quotes from that STUDY in Paragraph 2, and maybe 1 detailed example of athletic development in Paragraph 3, each followed by a couple of sentences where you spell out how it proves your thesis.
For Row C (“Sophistication”), the rubric gives you a point when you “craft a nuanced argument by consistently identifying and exploring complexities or tensions” or “articulating the implications or limitations of an argument,” so you might build in 1 place where you admit a real pressure or downside of college hoops and then show why the benefits you list still matter more.

If you look at just Paragraph 1, which single example (a specific practice, road trip, late‑night study session, or game) could you use as your main evidence, and how might you explain what it taught a player about time management or discipline?

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