[Student Example] Lab Girl Rewrite

Hope Jahren's prologue to Lab Girl gives readers an overview of her work as a biologist. She uses structural choices and point of view to create a conversational tone, helping her argue that biology is important for the purpose of life preservation. 

Jahren uses structural choices including sentence length, paragraph length, and overall structure to entice the reader and make them listen to what she has to say. Jahren starts with a short sentence, followed by several long sentences. This pattern continues throughout the essay, creating a varied structure that draws the reader in, causing them to feel like they "know" Jahren and are having a conversation with her. This develops her as a person to be listened to - someone credible. The variety of sentence structure follows a sort of pattern - one short sentence, then multiple longer ones. This pattern creates a rhythm within the piece, as though they are reading a poem, not an essay. People are much more likely to be interested in a piece of writing that has rhythm - that's why we listen to music. The paragraph length differs as well, which adds to the rhythm of the essay. Jahren writes one long paragraph, following it by a short, sentence long paragraph that includes an important point Jahren wants to make or a question for the reader. Not only does this add emphasis, it also brings the reader into the piece, making it more of a conversation between her and the reader. This conversational tone makes readers more likely to listen/be more interested in the book after the prologue, because it feels like they're "in" the story. 

Jahren also uses point of view shifts to hook the reader and add to the overall tone of conversation in her writing. She starts in the first person, intrtoducing herself as a scientist and beginning to explain her studies. Next, she shifts into the second person, telling the reader to observe the nature around them. She says, "So humor me for a minute, and look out your window." This gives the reader an almost unsettling feeling - like she's in the room with them. She asks them to "humor" her, making it seem like a short statement that will be easy to understand. This shift to the second person pulls the reader into the story even more, allowing them to feel connected to Jahren and have a deeper understanding of her love for biology. This "forces" the reader to put themselves in her shoes, creating an emotional appeal. This emotional appeal not only connects readers with Jahren, but with nature as well. Now, Jahren is able to shift to what's important about her work. She shifts into the third person, now giving statistical evidence about deforestation. This evidence now means more to the reader because of their newfound connection to nature and Jahren herself, created by the hook of her essay. She continues to talk about the lives lost unneccesarily due to deforestation, personifying the trees and getting the reader to care about them. She shifts back into first person to reiterate her personal connection to the cause, then ends the essay with a statement in the second person - a call to action and a segway into her story. 

In the prologue to Lab Girl, Hope Jahren argues that life, even of trees, should be preserved, and never lost unnecesarily. To argue this, Jahren establishes a conversational tone through structural choices and shifts in point of view.