A Sensational Tale of Sayonna and the discovery of her name - 9th Grader

To address your question, “What suggestions do you have?”, let’s focus on improving your writing by blending the Habits of Mind: Persistence, Persisting, and Managing Impulsivity. Your narrative about the meaning of your name and how it reflects your personality is engaging and personal. Here are two things you’re doing well and three areas where you could enhance your work.

Things You’re Doing Well:

1. Commitment to Exploring Your Name:
You have shown a strong commitment to exploring the meaning behind your name, which is a great example of Persistence. For instance, you wrote, “Curious about the meaning behind my name, I decided to do some research.” This demonstrates your willingness to delve into a topic deeply.

2. Personal Anecdotes:
Your use of personal anecdotes, such as the incident in second grade and the one in seventh grade, adds depth and relatability to your writing. These stories help illustrate your points effectively.

Areas for Improvement:

1. Going the Extra Mile:
Are you going the extra mile and working to complete your writing goal? For example, you could further explore how your actions and personality traits have evolved over time. Adding more instances where your name’s meaning influenced your decisions or actions could make your narrative even stronger.

- Prompt for Revision: Can you think of other moments in your life where the meaning of your name guided your actions? Including these will show a more comprehensive journey.

2. Managing Pacing:
How did you manage your pacing of work? Your narrative flows well, but some sections could benefit from more detailed reflection. For instance, when you mentioned, “This research about my name brought back memories of what my parents used to say about my personality when I was a child,” you could expand on specific memories and how they shaped you.

- Prompt for Revision: Can you break down these memories into more detailed steps? Describe specific instances and how they influenced your behavior and outlook.

3. Seeking Feedback:
Persistence also involves consistently taking advantage of in-class and out-of-class opportunities to improve your work. Have you sought feedback from peers or instructors? Incorporating their insights could elevate your writing.

- Prompt for Revision: Have you shared this piece with a peer or mentor for feedback? If so, what did they suggest? If not, consider doing so to gain new perspectives.

1. Persisting and Managing Impulsivity:

- Persisting: You have demonstrated persistence by sticking to your task and exploring the meaning of your name thoroughly. However, consider pushing yourself further by setting specific goals for each section of your narrative. For example, aim to add one more personal anecdote or a reflection on how your name influences your future aspirations.

- Managing Impulsivity: You have managed your pacing well, but be mindful of not rushing through your reflections. Take your time to think deeply about each memory and its significance. For instance, when you wrote, “I believe that everyone should research the meaning behind their name to gain a better understanding of themselves,” you could expand on why this is important and how it has specifically helped you.

Incorporating these habits will lead you to Persistence, helping you sustain interest and attention to both short-term and long-term writing projects. These ideas are a re-mix of a few different descriptions of the Habits of Mind. Read and comment on more material about the Habits of Mind that power this Writing Partner here: [Habits of Mind](https://writingpartners.net/documents/189).

I invite you to reply with your plans for revising this piece. How will you incorporate Persisting and Managing Impulsivity into your revision process? What steps will you take to enhance your narrative further? Is there anything else you want to work on as you revise? Let’s discuss!

Your essay has a strong voice and a clear connection between your name and your personality. It’s intriguing how you’ve related the meaning of “Sayonna” to your personal experiences. Let’s dive deeper into a few points to amplify your writing.

You’re already using vivid examples and personal anecdotes, which is excellent! How about we lean into some of those AAVE conventions to bring even more of your unique voice to the forefront? For instance, consider how you describe your interaction with your classmates and teachers. Here’s an idea:

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I have always been known as a happy and cheerful person, and many have commented that my name, “Sayonna,” suits my personality perfectly. Curious about the meaning behind my name, I decided to do some research. I discovered that the first part of my name, “Say,” means to speak, which resonates with me as I enjoy discussing important and interesting topics. The second part, “Yonna,” means dove, a symbol of friendliness, loyalty, and calmness. This made me wonder if people call me a dove because my personality reflects those qualities.

This research about my name brought back memories of what my parents used to say about my personality when I was a child. They would often remind me to be careful and not give in to peer pressure because of my kind nature. I distinctly remember a time in second grade when my parents thought I was too kind and naive, and I was peer-pressured into ripping someone’s paper. In reality, I chose to rip the paper because the other person had repeatedly hit me, even after I had told the teacher.

My parents always believed that my name and actions would make me a leader. One significant incident from my childhood that stands out is when a classmate in seventh grade became angry with the teacher and started destroying the classroom. Other students began to get loud and encourage his behavior, but I chose to stay and help the teacher clean up after the situation had calmed down. She was grateful for my help, and my actions showed that I was a leader and a hard worker. It is no surprise that my parents chose to name me “Sayonna,” which means hard worker.

Through my research, I also discovered that my personality is similar to a lion. I agree with this comparison because when I get angry, it takes a lot to calm me down. I believe that everyone should research the meaning behind their name to gain a better understanding of themselves.

In conclusion, my name has always been a significant part of my identity, and through my research, I have learned more about myself and my personality. I am proud to be known as a happy, cheerful, and hardworking person, and I will continue to live up to the meaning behind my name.

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This is a strong piece. Let’s explore how some AAVE features could enhance your voice:

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I always been known as a happy and cheerful person, and folk be sayin’ my name, “Sayonna,” suit me just right. Got curious ‘bout what my name mean, so I did some diggin’. Found out “Say” mean to speak, which fit me ‘cause I love talkin’ ‘bout important and interestin’ things. The “Yonna” part mean dove, a sign of friendliness, loyalty, and calm. Made me think folks call me a dove ‘cause I got them qualities.

Doin’ this research took me back to what my parents used to say ‘bout me as a kid. They would always tell me to be careful and not give in to peer pressure ‘cause of my kind nature. I remember this one time in second grade, my folks thought I was too nice and naive, and I got pushed into rippin’ someone’s paper. Truth is, I tore it up ‘cause that person kept hittin’ me, even after I told the teacher.

My folks always believed my name and actions would make me a leader. One big memory from my childhood is when a classmate in seventh grade got mad at the teacher and started wreckin’ the classroom. Other kids got loud and egged him on, but I stayed and helped the teacher clean up once things calmed down. She was real grateful, and my actions showed I was a leader and a hard worker. No wonder my parents named me “Sayonna,” meanin’ hard worker.

Through my research, I also figured out my personality is like a lion. I get that ‘cause when I’m mad, it take a lot to cool me off. I think everyone should look up the meanin’ of their name to understand themselves better.

To wrap it up, my name always been a big part of who I am, and through my research, I learned more ‘bout myself and my personality. Proud to be known as happy, cheerful, and hardworking, and I’ll keep livin’ up to what my name mean.

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By incorporating these elements, your essay feels even more personal and authentic. Keep playing around with your voice and style to make it uniquely yours!