Short Write Up
1 additions to document , most recent 12 months ago
| When | Why |
|---|---|
| Oct-30-24 | New Writing |
When looking into these empty classrooms people tend to think about what it could have been, what it was, and potentially what it could be. Both of these classrooms hold massive memories for certain people whether they be good or bad they still hold an immense amount of memories that they can look back on. One of the classrooms was turned into a functioning classroom that students use today. Being in these classrooms can help build and create new memories for many students and teachers.
Added October 30, 2024 at 10:46am
by Serena Tyson
Title: New Writing
When looking into these empty classrooms people tend to think about what it could have been, what it was, and potentially what it could be. Both of these classrooms hold massive memories for certain people whether they be good or bad they still hold an immense amount of memories that they can look back on. One of the classrooms was turned into a functioning classroom that students use today. Being in these classrooms can help build and create new memories for many students and teachers. The people that use the room now are going to be able to create, use the space for good, improve and add on to their education. When you first look into these classrooms from an outsider's perspective you wouldn’t think much of it, most likely would just walk right past it. Now walking past these classrooms you can see potential and truly see what the classrooms have to offer.
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My name is Serena. I don’t have many nicknames just some lik… (more)
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Let’s go through your news story and see how we can improve it by focusing on the key areas outlined in the Associated Press style guide.
Try this: Start with a clear and engaging lede that sets the tone and direction of the story. Your current opening, “When looking into these empty classrooms people tend to think about what it could have been, what it was, and potentially what it could be,” is more reflective and philosophical. Consider rewriting it to be more direct and news-focused. For instance, “The transformation of once-abandoned classrooms into vibrant learning spaces has sparked a wave of nostalgia and opportunity among students and teachers.”
Try this: Ensure clarity and conciseness in your sentences. The sentence, “Both of these classrooms hold massive memories for certain people whether they be good or bad they still hold an immense amount of memories that they can look back on,” could be revised for clarity. Consider: “These classrooms hold significant memories for many, whether good or bad.”
Try this: Maintain a logical flow of information. The paragraph beginning with “One of the classrooms was turned into a functioning classroom that students use today” could be better integrated into the narrative. Transition smoothly from past to present by saying, “While one classroom remains a symbol of the past, the other has been revitalized for current use, now bustling with students and new memories in the making.”
Try this: Ensure your tone is objective and factual. Phrases like “Being in these classrooms can help build and create new memories for many students and teachers” are speculative. Strengthen your statement by supporting it with facts, such as “The renovated classrooms now host over 200 students daily, providing a fresh environment for education and growth.”
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Remember, it’s important to revise or edit your writing right now. If this is your document, click on a sentence or paragraph number in the left panel, then hit Edit, make your changes, and hit Update. You can also hit Suggest Revision on a document that you have been invited to. Another option is to hit Add to Document and then to add New Content for deeper, multi-paragraph rewrites.
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My name is Serena. I don’t have many nicknames just some lik… (more)
My name is Serena. I don’t have many nicknames just some lik… (more)
Let’s go through your news story together and explore areas where you can make improvements based on the Associated Press style guide and journalistic standards. Your question is about what you can improve on, so I will focus on specific sentences and paragraphs to help you achieve that.
Formatting Primary Sources and Interviews:
Since your text doesn’t include direct quotes from sources, consider integrating perspectives or interviews to add depth. This would involve:
- Introducing your sources properly.
- Correctly attributing any quotes or statements.
Organization and Focus:
Your text should have a logical flow with a clear and engaging lede. Let’s look at how you can enhance this aspect.
Try this:
- Begin with a more compelling lede. For example, the sentence “When looking into these empty classrooms people tend to think about what it could have been, what it was, and potentially what it could be.” could be rephrased to grab attention immediately. Consider starting with an evocative phrase or fact that sets the scene or stakes.
Writing Style:
Focus on clarity and conciseness, ensuring each sentence is direct and to the point.
Try this:
- Simplify the sentence “Both of these classrooms hold massive memories for certain people whether they be good or bad they still hold an immense amount of memories that they can look back on.” by removing repetitive phrases. You might say, “These classrooms hold significant memories, both good and bad, for many people.”
Adherence to Journalistic Standards:
Ensure impartiality and ethical reporting by considering all perspectives involved.
AP Style Guidelines:
To adhere to AP style, pay attention to grammar, punctuation, and spelling. Here are some specific suggestions:
Try this:
- Ensure proper punctuation. For instance, in the sentence “Both of these classrooms hold massive memories for certain people whether they be good or bad they still hold an immense amount of memories that they can look back on.” consider breaking it into two sentences for better readability: “Both of these classrooms hold massive memories for certain people. Whether they be good or bad, they still hold an immense amount of memories to look back on.”
Would you like to see more suggestions? If so, let me know.
Revise or edit your writing right now. If this is your document, click on a sentence or a paragraph number in the left panel, then hit Edit, make your changes and hit Update. You can also hit Suggest Revision on a document that you have been invited to. Another option is to hit Add to Document and then to add New Content for deeper, multi-paragraph rewrites.
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Hide Full Comment Hide Thread Detail
My name is Serena. I don’t have many nicknames just some lik… (more)
My name is Serena. I don’t have many nicknames just some lik… (more)
Let’s go through your news story together and explore areas where you can make improvements based on the Associated Press style guide and journalistic standards. Your question is about what you can improve on, so I will focus on specific sentences and paragraphs to help you achieve that.
Formatting Primary Sources and Interviews:
Since your text doesn’t include direct quotes from sources, consider integrating perspectives or interviews to add depth. This would involve:
- Introducing your sources properly.
- Correctly attributing any quotes or statements.
Organization and Focus:
Your text should have a logical flow with a clear and engaging lede. Let’s look at how you can enhance this aspect.
Try this:
- Begin with a more compelling lede. For example, the sentence “When looking into these empty classrooms people tend to think about what it could have been, what it was, and potentially what it could be.” could be rephrased to grab attention immediately. Consider starting with an evocative phrase or fact that sets the scene or stakes.
Writing Style:
Focus on clarity and conciseness, ensuring each sentence is direct and to the point.
Try this:
- Simplify the sentence “Both of these classrooms hold massive memories for certain people whether they be good or bad they still hold an immense amount of memories that they can look back on.” by removing repetitive phrases. You might say, “These classrooms hold significant memories, both good and bad, for many people.”
Adherence to Journalistic Standards:
Ensure impartiality and ethical reporting by considering all perspectives involved.
AP Style Guidelines:
To adhere to AP style, pay attention to grammar, punctuation, and spelling. Here are some specific suggestions:
Try this:
- Ensure proper punctuation. For instance, in the sentence “Both of these classrooms hold massive memories for certain people whether they be good or bad they still hold an immense amount of memories that they can look back on.” consider breaking it into two sentences for better readability: “Both of these classrooms hold massive memories for certain people. Whether they be good or bad, they still hold an immense amount of memories to look back on.”
Would you like to see more suggestions? If so, let me know.
Revise or edit your writing right now. If this is your document, click on a sentence or a paragraph number in the left panel, then hit Edit, make your changes and hit Update. You can also hit Suggest Revision on a document that you have been invited to. Another option is to hit Add to Document and then to add New Content for deeper, multi-paragraph rewrites.
New Conversation
Hide Full Comment
My name is Serena. I don’t have many nicknames just some lik… (more)
My name is Serena. I don’t have many nicknames just some lik… (more)
Prompts and Strategies for Writing Your Own
1. Invoke Memories and Future Possibilities
– Think about the emotions tied to the past and future of a space. How can you capture the essence of nostalgia and potential in a single sentence? Consider words that evoke reflection and anticipation. For example, “Echoes of the Past and Dreams of Tomorrow Fill These Halls.”
2. Highlight Transformation and Continuity
– Focus on the journey of the classroom from empty to vibrant. How can you convey a sense of change while honoring the past? Use strong, visual words that suggest transformation. A headline could be, “From Silent Spaces to Buzzing Classrooms: A Journey Through Time.”
3. Celebrate Memories and New Beginnings
– Emphasize the dual nature of memories—both cherished and challenging—and the promise of new experiences. How can you communicate this duality? Think of phrases that blend the past with the present. For instance, “Where Old Memories Meet New Beginnings: Classroom Stories.”
4. Capture the Emotional Impact
– Aim to express the deep emotional connections people have with these classrooms. What words can you use to convey the weight of these feelings? Craft a headline that highlights emotional depth, such as “Classrooms of Yesterday: A Canvas for Memories and Dreams.”
5. Focus on the Personal and Collective Experience
– Reflect on how these spaces hold personal memories and collective histories. How can you express this shared experience? Consider using inclusive language that feels personal yet universal. An example might be, “In Shared Spaces, We Find Our Stories and Our Futures.”
Choose one of these ideas to inspire your headline. Write your own headline in a Reply and then ask in a Reply with AI and select me to give you feedback on your headline. Also, be sure to ask your teacher or other students what they think of your headline.
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