Example of using two of the Basic 4 Writing Partners
Author: Example of an 8th Grader's Draft
Do you know what you want to be when you grow up? Or are you already working and happy with what you do? It’s okay if you’re still figuring it out.
When I was younger, I dreamed of becoming a doctor. Then a teacher. Then an animator. But now, I’m not sure. I’m feeling lost right now because I don’t have any strong interests or anything I’m super good at.
As I’m approaching high school, the courses I take are going to be detrimental to my job. A job I don’t even know yet! It feels overwhelming trying to choose a job that will impact me for the rest of my life.
And college. College is a blessing and a curse. It’s amazing since people get to meet others with the same interests as you. But, then you’re stuck there. I’m not sure about others, but I’m worried about choosing a college that isn’t right for me and being trapped there.
Mental Health
Speaking from my experiences, I was always stressed about the future. My parents never put a lot of pressure on me to have a certain job, but I would always think about it. And I still do. I’m worried that in the future, I’ll pick a job I dislike and regret it.
I’m not sure about others, but I know that this stress weighed me down. I felt burnt out about school, and I still do.
What’s the point of going if I don’t have any goals to reach?
All I want to do is get good grades, but then what?
What’s next?
How can we prevent kids from going through this experience?
Let’s look at Ridge High School’s courses, where I’ll be a rising 9th grader. They have a good range of courses such as ceramics, intro to law, orchestra, and architecture. These choices are great, but once I choose a class, I’m stuck with it. That’s a lot of wasted time.
What if, instead of having one class for the full year, classes could be half or even a quarter of the year. Even subjects such as English and Math! There are many options to choose from, but I know that I’ll join Geometry and normal English. But what about Creative Writing? What about Computer Programming? I won’t be able to test out the courses due to the fear of choosing wrong and wasting my time.
I wish kids were allowed to switch courses more easily, even in college with reduced or no cost. Maybe one year they’re learning law, and the next year they’re learning pottery. People would be allowed to follow their many interests.
Who knows? Maybe a teaching student would find their love for psychology. Maybe a law student would fall for creative writing.
So I ask you one last time.
Do you know what you want to be when you grow up? Or are you already working and happy with what you do?
And it’s fine if the answer is “I’m not sure,” or a list of many different things.
Because one day in the future, we’ll be allowed to find our spark.
And one day, you’ll find yours too.
on the uploaded document.
0 General Document comments
0 Sentence and Paragraph comments
0 Image and Video comments
General Document Comments 0
TED Article Expander with Dia a’s edits:
Expanding your article can make it more comprehensive and engaging for your readers. Here are some suggestions to help you enhance it:
1. Personal Experiences and Stories:
– Expand on Personal Anecdotes: Add more detail to your experiences to allow readers to connect emotionally with your story. Describe the moments when you felt particularly uncertain or excited about different career paths.
– Quotes from Others: Include brief interviews or quotes from peers, teachers, or mentors who have faced similar dilemmas.
2. Research and Statistics:
– Provide Data: Use statistics related to career choice anxiety among students to validate your experiences. Include information on how common it is to change careers throughout one’s lifetime.
– Case Studies: Incorporate brief case studies of individuals who changed career paths successfully.
3. Broaden Perspectives:
– Different Career Paths: Explore various career paths that others have considered, explaining the paths that led to their choices and the education required.
– Cultural or Societal Factors: Discuss how societal expectations can shape career choices and the pressure to choose a specific path early in life.
4. Practical Advice:
– Guidance Counseling Tips: Provide insights on how to make career decisions, such as talking to career counselors, attending job fairs, or trying internships.
– Resources: List resources like books, podcasts, and websites that can help in exploring career options.
5. Mental Health Focus:
– Stress Management: Offer techniques to manage stress related to career uncertainty, such as mindfulness practices or time management strategies.
– Support Systems: Highlight the importance of having a support system and reaching out for help when needed.
6. Expert Opinions:
– Interviews with Experts: Include opinions or advice from career coaches or psychologists who specialize in adolescent development.
7. Interactive Elements:
– Quizzes or Reflection Prompts: Add interactive elements where readers can reflect on their career aspirations and fears, helping them engage deeply with the content.
8. Call to Action:
– Encouragement for Exploration: Encourage readers to embrace exploration and the potential for future change, reinforcing that it’s okay not to have it all figured out.
9. Visuals:
– Infographics: Use visuals to represent the journey of career exploration or the stress associated with making career choices.
10. Concluding Thoughts:
– Hope and Inspiration: End on a positive note by inspiring readers to view their career paths as an exciting journey filled with potential and opportunities for growth.
By incorporating these elements, your article will not only be longer but also richer and more valuable to those going through similar experiences.
New Conversation
Hide Full Comment
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Alright, so you’ve got a powerful piece that touches on the complexities of decision-making about one’s future. There’re already clean transitions from personal reflection to societal implications about education and mental health stressors. It seems like you’re speaking to folks who are either getting ready for high school or already in it. How about exploring more specific advice or experiences from others in similar situations? You could share stories you’ve heard or researched about peers who navigated these uncertainties successfully, adding richness and realness your readers can connect with.
Want to dive deeper into this idea and see more suggestions?
New Conversation
Hide Full Comment Hide Thread Detail
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
It’s great that you’re highlighting the feeling of uncertainty in figuring out a career path. This resonates with many people who are navigating similar decisions. Bringing in diverse voices or stories can serve to show different paths and choices, helping make your narrative more relatable and insightful. Have you considered how others balance exploring interests without feeling trapped by their choices?
I’m ready to dive deeper or provide more feedback if you’d like! Want me to share more thoughts?
New Conversation
Hide Full Comment Hide Thread Detail
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
New Conversation
Hide Thread Detail
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
You’re on the right track thinking about incorporating more voices! Ponder reaching out to classmates, family, or mentors whose experiences might complement your narrative. Sometimes conversations reveal stories people are open to sharing. Or look for forums and articles where individuals discuss similar challenges. Quotes or anecdotes from these sources can seamlessly integrate into your existing sections, offering fresh perspectives while maintaining your voice’s authenticity.
What do you think about bringing in those external perspectives? Think it might enhance your essay? Want to hear more suggestions?
New Conversation
Hide Full Comment Hide Thread Detail
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
New Conversation
Hide Thread Detail
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Great to hear you’re open to that! Including multiple perspectives can really anchor your discussion in diverse realities. Perhaps, you could weave in quotes as a way to break up the narrative or even have brief vignettes focused on those stories at different sections of your essay. A short dialogue with someone reflecting their journey can add depth, too—kind of like you’re having an ongoing conversation about future possibilities.
Interested in exploring more ways to effectively integrate these new elements into what you’ve already crafted? Ready for the next set of ideas?
New Conversation
Hide Full Comment Hide Thread Detail
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
New Conversation
Hide Thread Detail
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Expanding your article can totally amplify its impact! Consider adding sections that delve into the role of educators, parents, or community support in easing the pressure students feel. Discussing new educational models or resources available to help young people explore different career options without stress could balance out the challenges you’ve laid out. Bringing in humor or a lighthearted tone in certain parts might also offer readers a breath of fresh air amidst heavier themes.
What do you think about these ideas? Want me to keep suggesting ways to deepen your work?
New Conversation
Hide Full Comment Hide Thread Detail
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Exploring educators and community roles is a clever way to round out your ideas. You might also want to dive into personal empowerment strategies, like self-reflection techniques or setting small goals to build confidence without pressure. Including a section on hobbies and passions outside of typical academic paths could inspire readers who feel trapped by conventional choices. It’s a powerful reminder that life’s journey doesn’t always follow one straight line.
Curious about fleshing these ideas further? Need more perspectives on this approach?
New Conversation
Hide Full Comment
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Expanding Your Article
Hey there! You’re looking to expand your article, and that’s a great step. It already has a strong foundation, exploring topics like career uncertainty, school pressures, and mental health. Let’s dive into some ideas that could help you broaden it even more.
First off, consider diving deeper into the personal narratives or stories that would resonate with your audience. You’ve got a good start by sharing your own experiences and feelings of uncertainty about the future. Why not add more anecdotes or stories from others who have faced similar situations? This can help your readers feel understood and less alone in their experiences. Including diverse perspectives could also highlight how these issues impact different individuals in unique ways.
Want to see more suggestions on expanding your article?
New Conversation
Hide Full Comment Hide Thread Detail
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Enhancing Emotional Connection
Also, you might think about incorporating more about the emotional aspects of decision-making. You’re already touching on how overwhelming it feels to make life choices at a young age, which is relatable for many. Further exploring themes like identity and self-discovery could enrich your narrative. You could discuss how these pressures can lead to personal growth or even discover unexpected passions.
Delving deeper into the societal or educational structures that contribute to these feelings of being “stuck” might also give your readers a broader context. Reflecting on how the traditional path through high school and college is not necessarily the best fit for everyone could spark valuable discussions. Maybe explore alternatives, such as gap years, internships, or vocational training, which some might find liberating or more aligned with their personal goals.
Would you like me to continue with more ideas?
New Conversation
Hide Full Comment Hide Thread Detail
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Increasing Authenticity and Voice
Let’s talk about adding more authenticity and voice to your piece. Your writing already reflects some personal touches, but you could amp it up by integrating Black Language or African American English where it feels natural. Including features like call-and-response patterns could make your writing more engaging and connect with readers on a deeper level. For instance, when you’re posing questions or expressing doubt, you might want to lean into the rhetorical styles that resonate with your lived experiences.
Additionally, embracing code-meshing—strategically blending different language varieties—can give your piece a unique flair and authenticity. By doing so, you’re not just sharing a narrative; you’re also inviting readers into a space that’s reflective of diverse linguistic traditions. You might want to think about when to use certain linguistic features based on who you imagine is reading your article.
Still curious for more ways to enhance your article?
New Conversation
Hide Full Comment Hide Thread Detail
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
New Conversation
Hide Thread Detail
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Sure thing! Let’s break it down a bit. When I talk about code-meshing and authenticity, I’m referring to the way you can blend different language styles to make your writing feel more genuine and relatable. It’s about using a mix of languages or dialects that reflect your own voice or the communities you’re writing for. This can make your article stand out and connect better with readers who share similar experiences.
For example, if you’re comfortable with African American English (AAE) or Black Language (BL), you could incorporate some of its features into your writing. Elements like tonal semantics—where rhythm and sound play a role in how words are expressed—can add depth to your storytelling. The idea is to use these language tools intentionally, thinking about who you’re speaking to and what message you want to convey.
Would you like me to continue discussing this approach?
New Conversation
Hide Full Comment Hide Thread Detail
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
New Conversation
Hide Thread Detail
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
That’s all good! It’s all about finding what feels right for you and your writing. The idea behind code-meshing and using different language styles is to give you more tools to express yourself in ways that feel authentic. If it resonates with you, great! If not, no worries. You can always explore and see what works best for your voice and message.
As you’re working on expanding your article, remember that it’s perfectly fine to experiment with various elements—whether that’s adding personal anecdotes or trying out new stylistic choices. What matters most is how you connect with your audience and convey your experiences effectively.
Is there anything else you’d like to work on or any other aspect of the article you’d want suggestions for? Feel free to ask! And remember, if this is your document, you can click on a sentence or paragraph number in the left panel to edit it, suggest revisions, or add new content anytime.
New Conversation
Hide Full Comment