Example of using two of the 4 Basic Writing Partners
Author: Draft by an 8th Grader
We talk a lot about climate change, but what are we really doing? What can we do more of? Why aren't we doing more? All these are valid questions, and some don’t really have one correct answer. When we talk about climate change, we usually talk about minor things you can do as an individual. However, bigger issues are affecting climate change, one of the biggest ones being fossil fuels. This is a well known fact that we hear a lot about, and that I am sure most people know, but are we really doing anything about it? Are we actually changing something? As around 80 per cent of the world still uses fossil fuels over renewable energy, it is clearly evident that we aren’t doing enough and that we need to do more. There are hundreds of talks and articles about climate change and it is time to change. It is time we do something about it. I am sure most people have good memories from winter times with all the snow, however this is something that can and will disappear. Climate change will change the world so much there will be no snow in winter, something that I personally look forward to every year. Currently we are building out the renewable energy grid, but we are still building out fossil fuels at the same time, which is a big problem. The small things someone does once a month are not going to destroy the climate, but fossil fuels will. This is why we need bigger changes, and why we need leaders to start acting on climate change. We need big changes, which is a big commitment and could be one of the reasons why we aren’t doing more to combat climate change, along with the second big issue, money. Money is a big reason, as fossil fuels are very profitable, which leads fossil fuel companies to continue trying to expand fossil fuel energy production, while at the same time lobbying against renewable energies and marketing themselves as climate change leaders. These are the kinds of big issues that are really affecting climate change and some of the reasons I think are why we aren’t doing more. But if these issues are the ones affecting us what can we do? We can vote on candidates that will do something to try to slow down the effects of climate change, along with using your voice to vote, you can switch to renewable energy, something that will lessen the reliability of fossil fuels, without you having to change a major thing in your daily schedule. Now not everybody can do this because of financial reasons, or because there are no providers providing renewable energy, however if just some people switch to renewable energies it could still show how we need change. Overall I believe that we need big changes to happen, and that has to happen on an international level.
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TED Talk writing partner with Felix a’s edits:
Your piece brings up important questions about climate change. However, it could use more personal engagement and a stronger call to action. Here are some specific questions to help you expand your piece:
1. How did you personally become interested in climate change, and why is it important for you?
2. What specific actions have you taken in your own life to contribute to addressing climate change, and how have they impacted you?
3. Can you include a story or example of a successful initiative that has made a tangible impact on combating climate change?
One thing you can improve is the alignment with a clear throughline, a concept used in TED Talks. A throughline is a strong, clear idea that runs through your entire piece. You could ask yourself, “What is the one main message I want my audience to remember?” Make sure all your points connect back to this central idea. Consider looking at other TED Talks that effectively use a throughline to improve the cohesiveness of your piece.
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Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
You raise plenty of relevant and probing questions here that really push the conversation forward—especially when you ask about what we’re actually doing in response to climate change. Encouraging change means making folks consider both small individual actions and the big systematic shifts that are needed too. Your blend of personal reflection, like thinking about winter memories, with statistical backing on fossil fuel usage creates a dynamic contrast that’s engaging. Now think about how you might weave these elements into clearer segments; giving each idea its spotlight can create a greater impact.
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Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Focusing especially on how you break down the ongoing struggle between fossil fuels and renewable energy is pivotal here. Highlighting the profitability of fossil fuels while addressing systemic barriers presents a real picture of what’s blocking progress. Touching on the financial motivations behind these corporations adds depth, suggesting that our choices, including voting and switching to renewables when possible, do hold weight. It’s essential to hit home with those financial realities while balancing them with hope for change through action.
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Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Your piece reflects the reality of facing massive global challenges that require both courage and commitment. By reiterating the need for intentional and large-scale action, you offer a call to action that resonates with urgency. Diving deeper into how systemic issues interact with personal choices reinforces the idea that each action is part of a broader movement. This accountability—linked to individual power in voting or making conscious choices—is crucial for sparking change.
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Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
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Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Connecting with the youth is powerful because your voice can spark a generation-wide shift in attitudes and actions. When you talk about things like snow memories, it personalizes the issue and makes climate change tangible for people who might not see its impact day to day. Encourage them by showing how collective efforts—big or small—can generate serious momentum over time. Being relatable while drawing on these shared experiences builds a community around your message which is crucial for motivating action.
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Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
The energy and drive that youth bring to movements can’t be overstated. You’re standing in a position to influence not just your peers but also older generations who might be more set in their ways. Amplifying your voice through platforms that resonate with young people, such as social media or community projects, can exponentially increase your reach and impact. The focus on shared victories, whether they’re small shifts in behavior or groundbreaking local initiatives, helps maintain momentum and keeps hope alive among those ready to take action.
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Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Reading through your text, it’s clear you are passionate about the topic of climate change and you’re bringing some crucial points to the table. Let’s take a closer look at your writing.
You’re asking some thought-provoking questions about climate change, which is a great way to engage your readers. When you ask, “Where do I have gaps in my knowledge?” it’s a good sign you’re looking for ways to deepen your understanding, which can only enhance your discussion. One potential area where you could expand is considering how different communities around the world may be impacted by and respond to climate change differently. This could involve exploring diverse perspectives or emphasizing intersectionality in environmental issues.
Now, on the organization part—consider breaking up some of these longer sentences for clarity and impact. For instance, when discussing fossil fuels’ impact on climate change, shorter sentences can create a rhythm that emphasizes urgency. You might find it helpful to add paragraphs whenever you shift focus or introduce a new idea to help guide readers through your argument smoothly.
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Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Your use of repetitive questioning serves as a strong rhetorical device, drawing attention to the urgency and complexity of climate change issues. It’s like a call-and-response pattern, inviting readers to actively engage with the topic. It’s a powerful technique often found in Black Rhetoric, highlighting your ability to connect with the audience on an emotional level.
On another note, your mention of leaders needing to act on climate change hints at the call-response dynamic as well. However, when discussing systemic obstacles like money and fossil fuel companies’ influence, you could further develop this argument by incorporating some additional context or statistics to strengthen your points.
Do you want me to dive deeper into another part of your writing? I’m here to help however you need!
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Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
The imagery you created with the example of winter memories stands out vividly. This personal touch not only underscores the potential losses we face due to climate change but also invites others to reflect on what they might lose personally, making your argument resonate on a personal level. Including these sentiments can inspire readers to consider their stake in climate action.
As for your call to action, suggesting specific steps like voting and switching to renewable energy adds practical solutions, which is crucial. It’s a good idea to acknowledge financial and systemic barriers some people face when making these choices. Recognizing these challenges adds depth and inclusivity to your argument.
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Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Alright, let’s dive into these outlines for your piece on climate change. Each outline takes a distinct approach, focusing on different organizational and rhetorical strategies. You ready? Let’s go!
Outline 1: Traditional Linear Structure
1. Introduction
– “We talk a lot about climate change, but what are we really doing?”
2. Current Actions and Limitations
– “When we talk about climate change, we usually talk about minor things you can do as an individual.”
– “Currently we are building out the renewable energy grid, but we are still building out fossil fuels at the same time, which is a big problem.”
3. Major Issues: Fossil Fuels and Economic Barriers
– “As around 80 per cent of the world still uses fossil fuels over renewable energy.”
– “Money is a big reason, as fossil fuels are very profitable.”
4. Call to Action
– “We can vote on candidates that will do something to try to slow down the effects of climate change.”
5. Conclusion
– “Overall I believe that we need big changes to happen, and that has to happen on an international level.”
Affordances: This structure is straightforward, making it easy for readers to follow the logical flow from problem identification to proposed solutions.
Outline 2: Problem-Solution Pattern with Emphasis on Personal Connection
1. Introduction with Personal Connection
– “I am sure most people have good memories from winter times with all the snow.”
2. Identification of Problems
– “Currently we are building out the renewable energy grid, but we are still building out fossil fuels at the same time.”
– “Money is a big reason, as fossil fuels are very profitable.”
3. Personal Reflection and Broader Impact
– “Climate change will change the world so much there will be no snow in winter, something that I personally look forward to every year.”
4. Potential Solutions for Individuals and Society
– “We can vote on candidates that will do something to try to slow down the effects of climate change.”
– “Switch to renewable energy, something that will lessen the reliability of fossil fuels.”
5. Conclusion with Reiteration of Urgency
– “Overall I believe that we need big changes to happen, and that has to happen on an international level.”
Affordances: This structure weaves personal reflection with broader societal issues, enhancing relatability and emotional impact.
Outline 3: African American English Rhetorical Patterns
1. Circumlocution/Topic Association: Opening Questions and Implied Thesis
– “We talk a lot about climate change, but what are we really doing?”
– “What can we do more of? Why aren’t we doing more?”
2. Recursion/Repetition: Highlighting the Main Issues
– “Are we actually changing something?”
– “It is time we do something about it.”
3. Parallelism: Emphasizing the Core Problems
– “The small things someone does once a month are not going to destroy the climate, but fossil fuels will.”
– “We need big changes, which is a big commitment.”
4. Anaphora: Call to Action
– “We can vote on candidates… We can switch to renewable energy… We need big changes…”
5. Conclusion with Urgency and Hope
– “Overall I believe that we need big changes to happen, and that has to happen on an international level.”
Affordances: This structure uses rhetorical devices to engage the reader emotionally and intellectually, creating a strong sense of urgency and a call to collective action.
Now, it’s your turn! Which of these outlines resonates with you and your message? Or maybe you want to mix and match to create your own? Let’s get those creative juices flowing! Plan out the steps you’ll take to reorganize your text, and if there’s anything else you’d like to polish up, just let me know. Ready, set, write! ✨
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