Sotomayor Essay (student sample)
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Sonia Sotomayor promotes a powerful message about cultural identity, using personal experiences and hot topic political ideas to justify herself in this passage. These ideas such as “the tension between the melting pot and the salad bowl” are especially notable in this setting, where Sonia was just an appeals-court judge speaking at the prestigious Berkeley School of Law, due to her future as a supreme court judge. Sonia really dives into her personal identity as a latina woman in this speech, and her personal examples of what she identifies with are strikingly powerful and relatable to how many of us identify ourselves. All of these rhetorical techniques and political viewpoints come together to give these Berkeley law students a real first-hand story of the American dream and Sonia’s cultural identity as a child of Puerto Rican born parents.
Sonia’s use of personal experiences to reflect her complicated identity is a strong rhetorical technique and gives the audience a peek into her moral and cultural identity. As she explains in the fourth paragraph, Sonia feels that no one thing can have enough impact to make someone identify with a culture. Instead, there must be a life full of experiences that are so important to you that the culture becomes an innate part of your life. Sonia describes some of her most treasured experiences she holds closest to her latina identity, such as her time spent with family as a child and the native Puerto-Rican cuisine she thoroughly enjoys. These experiences and the way they made her feel are why she identifies as latina, not just because her ancestors were people, “populated or colonized by Spain who maintained or adopted Spanish”. These personal experiences will always carry more weight than anything else in her latina identity.
On the other hand, Judge Sotomayor is aware of the United States struggle for a cultural identity, as she references how America insists, “that we can and must function and live in a race and color-blind way that ignores these very differences that in contexts we land”. Sonia is aware of how diversity can be powerful and beneficial to a society, and does not agree with ideas such as “color-blindness” that diminish cultural differences to things that should be ignored. She detests these claims powerfully towards the end of this passage, where she says, “I became a Latina by the way I love and the way I live my life”. This idea that we can choose or claim our identity based on the context of how we live is a triumphant slap in the face to the people who feel culture is only a political construct and has no impact on people’s lives. This passage gives the UC Berkeley students a powerful message to create your own individual culture where you thrive and are loved, instead of letting people around us box us in to the culture they best see fit for us.
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Thank you for sharing your essay with me! You’ve done a great job highlighting Sonia Sotomayor’s message about cultural identity and how she uses her personal experiences to convey it. Your focus on her speech at Berkeley School of Law and the way she connects with her audience is clear and insightful. Right now, I would score your essay a 14 out of 20 possible points. Let’s work together to improve this score by focusing on two main areas for revision.
Revision 1
- Explain what I might consider changing: Your topic sentence could be clearer in identifying a specific personality trait or theme related to Sonia Sotomayor’s character or message. Currently, your essay starts with “Sonia Sotomayor promotes a powerful message about cultural identity,” but it lacks specificity in terms of character analysis.
- How to do this and examples: In another student’s character analysis, they wrote something like, “Mrs. Grimes is portrayed as a woman who has been denied any vestige of love or tenderness.” Notice how this sentence clearly identifies the character trait being analyzed. Consider revising your topic sentence to more precisely define the specific aspect of Sonia Sotomayor’s character or message that you’ll explore.
- Expand on the revision strategies: Start by brainstorming key traits or themes related to Sonia Sotomayor that stand out most in her speech. Think about what makes her unique as a speaker and leader. Once you’ve identified these traits, craft a topic sentence that clearly states one of them along with the context—her speech at Berkeley School of Law. This will give your paragraph direction and focus.
Revise or edit your writing right now! If this is your document, click on a sentence or paragraph number in the left panel, then hit Edit, make your changes and hit Update. You can also hit Suggest Revision on a document that you have been invited to edit. Another option is to hit Add to Document, then you can add New Content for deeper rewrites.
Would you like me to show you another area where we can improve?
Next, let’s focus on enhancing the support for your character analysis.
Revision 2
- Explain what I might consider changing: Your essay could benefit from more specific evidence that supports the traits or themes you’ve identified. While you mention Sonia’s use of personal experiences, adding more detailed examples from her speech would strengthen your analysis.
- How to do this and examples: In another student’s character analysis, they included specific actions and dialogue such as, “Her life is nothing but an endless battle to meet the demands of the animals - and men – who devour her strength.” This level of detail helps paint a clearer picture. Consider incorporating direct quotes or paraphrased instances from Sonia Sotomayor’s speech to vividly illustrate her message about cultural identity.
- Expand on the revision strategies: Go back to Sonia Sotomayor’s speech and identify key moments where she shares personal anecdotes or makes powerful statements. Note these down and think about how they reveal aspects of her personality or beliefs. Incorporate these into your essay by directly quoting or summarizing them while explaining their significance in relation to her message.
Revise or edit your writing right now! If this is your document, click on a sentence or paragraph number in the left panel, then hit Edit, make your changes and hit Update. You can also hit Suggest Revision on a document that you have been invited to edit. Another option is to hit Add to Document, then you can add New Content for deeper rewrites.
Would you like me to show all of my ratings for your essay?
Sure! Here are all of your ratings for the essay:
One – Strong Topic Sentence: Rating: 2 out of 4
- Your essay has a topic sentence that attempts to identify a personality trait or theme related to Sonia Sotomayor’s message. However, it lacks specificity and depth. The character’s name is mentioned, but the focus on her character trait is unclear.
Two – Supportive Evidence: Rating: 2 out of 4
- The character trait or theme you’ve identified needs more consistent evidence from the text. While you mention Sonia’s experiences, using specific actions, dialogue, feelings, and thoughts would provide a fuller portrayal.
Three – Powerful Quote: Rating: 3 out of 4
- You included relevant quotes that illustrate Sonia’s message about cultural identity. These quotes support your analysis well but could be even more impactful with deeper exploration.
Four – Engaging Organization: Rating: 3 out of 4
- Your essay is generally well-organized with paragraphs that logically present evidence. It maintains reader interest effectively but could benefit from a clearer outline connection.
Five – Purposeful Conclusion: Rating: 4 out of 4
- Your conclusion reiterates the protagonist’s key message about cultural identity effectively, providing closure and demonstrating its significance in the context of her speech.
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