Student Sample #1 for NWPs C3WP Using Sources Tool
Author: Anonymous student
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Homework has been a long debated topic for many students and the differences between what the students think is right, and what other people think. My stand is that homework should be balanced or not formally assigned. This is based off of people saying too much is bad, but so is too little, it can cause harm, it hurts families, and there no sufficient evidence.
Some people like Harris Cooper, a Duke psychology profesor, believe that people get both too much and too little. He says "It's like medicine, too much can kill you, but too little has no effect. If you take the right amount, you'll get better." This means that too much homework can harm someone, but too little won't improve anything. Therefore homework should be balanced among schools.
Another example is Alfie Kohn, an author of a book on homework, who believes "Too much homework can cause considerable harm." This quote explains that homework is damaging and can harm a student and make them feel awful about things in general. It puts them at a low where they can't feel good about things. It would be simpler and make kids happier with no homework.
The same author states that homework "Raises the level of frustration, anxiety, and family tension." This explains that homework can ruin families and cause lots of fights and damage relationships. It also takes time and love away that a student child should be recieving. If they aren't, they get upset and won't perform well anyway. They would be able to perform well if they didn't formally assign it and make it a big grade.
Next example is Cathy Vatterott, who's a profesor at University of Missouri, St. Louis, states that she doesn't believe that studies provide enough sufficient evidence to actually trust the fact that homework helps. If there's no evidence that homework helps, why assign it and cause a ton of stress to students who don't deserve it? They could live stress free lives if they didn't truly have major homework.
In conclusion, I believe that homework isn't as helpful as schools make it out to be. Most people think too much is assigned, and it should be less but not none, it causes harm to kids, it damages family relationships, and people don't have sufficient evidence. This makes my stand on homework against it for the most part.
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This is a re-mix of Joseph Harris’s book Rewriting: https://writingpartners.net/documents/173?scroll_to=634
When looking to revise your argument on homework, consider the move of “Illustrating: When you look to other texts for examples of a point you want to make.” Here is an illustration from your text to show how you could improve it: “Homework has been a long debated topic for many students and the differences between what the students think is right, and what other people think.” Instead of stating it this way, try to illustrate the point more vividly by providing a specific example or anecdote that captures the essence of the debate surrounding homework. How would you rewrite this first paragraph to engage the readers more effectively through illustrating your point about homework?
In rewriting the first paragraph to engage the readers more effectively through illustrating the point about homework, you can consider using a specific example or anecdote to vividly capture the essence of the debate surrounding homework. By doing so, you can draw the readers in and make the discussion more relatable and engaging.
These ideas are a re-mix of a section of Joseph Harris’s book, Rewriting: How to Do Things with Texts. Read more and add your comments here: https://writingpartners.net/documents/173?scroll_to=634
Here is how you can revise the first paragraph to improve engagement and illustrate the point about homework:
Think about opening your essay on homework with a specific scenario from daily life that highlights the ongoing debate on homework. For instance, you could start with a story about a group of students discussing the pros and cons of their homework load. Mention their feelings of frustration or relief as they express their differing opinions. By setting the scene in this way, you create a relatable entry point that draws readers in and makes the discussion more vivid and impactful. Would you like more examples to elaborate further on how you can introduce this engaging anecdote about homework?
Here is how you can revise the first paragraph to improve engagement and illustrate the point about homework:
To make your essay more engaging and illustrative regarding the topic of homework, consider starting with a vivid scenario from everyday life that captures the ongoing debate surrounding homework assignments. You could paint a picture of a situation where a group of students are passionately discussing the merits and drawbacks of their homework burden. Describe their mix of emotions, from frustration to relief, as they share their contrasting views. This approach of setting the stage with a relatable anecdote will not only draw readers in but also bring the discussion to life, making it more impactful and memorable. Would you like to see more suggestions on how to enhance this approach with additional examples and details?
These ideas are a re-mix of a section of Joseph Harris’s book, Rewriting: How to Do Things with Texts. Read more and add your comments here: https://writingpartners.net/documents/173?scroll_to=634
Thank you for sharing your essay with us. I appreciate your thoughtfully presented argument on the topic of homework. There are a couple of passages that I particularly liked in your writing. First, I admire how you introduced the different perspectives on homework by mentioning experts like Harris Cooper and Alfie Kohn. Your quote from Harris Cooper, “It’s like medicine, too much can kill you, but too little has no effect. If you take the right amount, you’ll get better,” effectively highlights the importance of finding a balance in assigning homework, which supports your argument that homework should be moderate to be beneficial. This quote strengthens your claim by providing expert opinion and a strong analogy to convey your message effectively.
Another strong part of your essay is the citation from Alfie Kohn, stating that “Too much homework can cause considerable harm.” This quote emphasizes the potential negative impacts of excessive homework on students’ well-being and mental health. By incorporating this statement, you align with experts who advocate for a more balanced approach to homework, reinforcing your argument against the heavy load of assignments that some students face.
In terms of revisions that could enhance your argument, I noticed an opportunity to improve the differentiation between the voices of the sources and your discussion. Your passage that states Cathy Vatterott believes that there is not enough sufficient evidence regarding the benefits of homework could be strengthened by elaborating further on why this lack of evidence is crucial to your argument. Adding specific examples or studies that support the notion of insufficient evidence about homework’s effectiveness would add depth to this point, making your argument more robust. Additionally, consider providing contrasting viewpoints to further substantiate your claim and engage with the idea of homework from multiple perspectives. This not only enriches your argument but also showcases your ability to analyze differing opinions.
Your essay shows a clear claim regarding the nature of homework, supported by perspectives from various experts in the field. You have integrated multiple sources to back up your argument effectively, giving weight to your position. However, enhancing the connection between your analyses of these sources and your main claim could elevate the strength of your argument further. By delving deeper into the implications of the quotes you provide and how they tie back to your central argument, you can create a more cohesive and persuasive piece.
Please feel free to check out the Annotated Student Using Sources tool mentioned in the link above for additional guidance and examples on how to improve your integration of sources in academic writing. It can be a valuable resource to refine your skills and approach to using sources effectively. Is there anything else you would like assistance with in your writing? Would you be interested in seeing the rest of the ratings for your essay? If so, you can find them revealed in the next message.
Two Stars and a Wish
⭐ Great use of quotes!
You wrote… “He says ’It’s like medicine, too much can kill you, but too little has no effect.’” This quote really helps explain your point!
⭐ Strong conclusion!
You wrote… “In conclusion, I believe that homework isn’t as helpful as schools make it out to be.” Your ending wraps things up nicely!
栗♀️ Add more excitement! 栗♂️
I liked where you said… “This explains that homework can ruin families and cause lots of fights and damage relationships.” You could show more curiosity and excitement! 朗 Ask yourself, What is this like for the student?
Keep Going with these Habits of Mind
Super cool essay! Now, think about places where you can add more details about what you are seeing, tasting, touching, and smelling! You can revise and edit right here on Writing Partners by double-clicking on a sentence or a paragraph number, then hitting the edit button.
What are you going to do to make your writing pop? Tell me your plan step-by-step! Is there anything else you want to work on as you revise?
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1. First Paragraph: No quotations were used; hence, no errors related to quote integration are present in this paragraph.
2. Second Paragraph:
– Quote Integration: The quote by Harris Cooper lacks a proper signal phrase or context before introducing the direct quotation ("He says “It’s like medicine…”). As per the guidelines, when using a quotation, it should be integrated with a signal phrase or context. The quote should not be directly introduced without proper blending or introduction (Rule: When you use a quotation as evidence, you should integrate it into your own writing using a “signal phrase” or “tag.”).
3. Third Paragraph:
– Quote Integration: Similar to the second paragraph, the quote by Alfie Kohn lacks a signal phrase or blending prior to the quote ("…who believes “Too much homework…”). Again, a signal phrase or context should be provided when introducing the quotation (Rule: Your quote integration may explain the context (who is speaking & what is happening in the text) of the quote).
4. Fourth Paragraph:
– Quote Integration: The introduction to the quote is more contextualized, but it still lacks a clear signal phrase or appropriate blending into the sentence ("The same author states that homework “Raises the level of frustration…”). This could benefit from more comprehensive integration, following the guidelines for a signal phrase or blended tag.
5. Fifth Paragraph:
– Quote Integration: This paragraph does not contain direct quotations, so there are no errors related to quote integration in this paragraph.
6. Sixth Paragraph: No quotations were used; hence, no errors related to quote integration are present in this paragraph.
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