Student Sample #3 for NWPs C3WP Using Sources Tool: GUAC Orientation Partner Analysis: 8th Grade Student
Author: Anonymous Eight Grader
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How much homework do you have a night? Homework has always been something that kids complain about. Now a days there are too much given to us. Homework stresses kids out crazily, it distracts kids from there family when there home and homework is not rewarding kids in anyway. It is so unacceptable to be giving kids this much of homework!
You brought some real energy with your opening, especially pointing straight at the issue and connecting it to how young people actually feel. That question at the beginning? It sets a relatable vibe, like you talking right to your reader. You could play up those emotional reactions—talk more on that “crazily stressed” feeling or how it messes with time at home. That’ll make your audience feel you even more.
Want to see some more feedback for building out this paragraph?
Homework can be very stressful to children. Kids spend so much time worrying about and feel limited to the after school activitys they can do because they need to fit time in for homework every night. Alfie Koon states, "Too much homework can cause considerable harm" When you have so much papers to complete it gets you terribly stressed out and causes kids to think about bad stuff. Becky Stevenson said, "They can practice without penality!" They can give homework out to kids but eventually it comes to a point where its too much.
You make some real strong points here about how homework can weigh heavy on kids, especially when it cuts into their time for after school fun or just relaxing. I notice you’re using clear quotes from folks like Alfie Koon and Becky Stevenson to back up your claims, which gives your argument more weight. Your audience seems like it could be teachers or parents who might not realize how overwhelming school can get—so the way you lay things out is easy for them to relate to. Want me to go deeper on how your examples work?
Family time is important and its hard for parents to get there children to be apart in there conversations when all the kids are doing there homework. Now, kids are becoming isolated from there family. During the weekends, sometimes my friends ask me to hang out and I cant because I have to write a paper thats due the next morning. Or there is a family dinner but I cant go because I have to study for a test. The weekends are suppost to be spent with people and not trapped in a house until you finish your work. In the article, Complaints about homework go from too little to too much states "Ababio fugures she does homework from about 5pm to 11:30pm on school nights." This means she gets probably 30 minutes to spend with her family. Thats terrible and should not be aloud.
For how much homewok kids do on a regular basis, they should get some kind of reward. If you dont do your homework for 1 night you will get a 0 and it will lower your grade. Kids never get a break. Some kids need help for homework and sometimes there parents dont know what there learning and dont have a teacher to help guide them. In the article, What kinds of homework seems to be more effective says "Homework that cannot be done without help and that isnt good homework." Teachers expect kids to get the lesson they teach in 10 minutes and let them go and have to comeple a whole paper. Its not fair.
In conclusion, homework just stresses kids out, you dont get the time with family/friends that you need and homeowork doesnt help kids learn anything more then what they knew in school.
General Document Comments 0
Ok, let’s dive into your commentary and see how well it connects the source material to your claim.
1. Initial Assessment:
– Claim: Homework is stressful, it distracts from family time, and it is not rewarding.
– Evidence: Quotes from Alfie Koon, Becky Stevenson, and an article on homework complaints.
– Commentary: Some analysis is present, but it often summarizes the source material without deeply connecting it to the claim.
2. Feedback on Specific Sections:
- Stress: - Your commentary: “Homework can be very stressful to children. Kids spend so much time worrying about and feel limited to the after school activitys they can do because they need to fit time in for homework every night.” - Summarizes source: “Alfie Koon states, ‘Too much homework can cause considerable harm’” - Improvement: Explain how Koon’s quote supports your claim by discussing the specifics of the harm. For example, “Alfie Koon states, ‘Too much homework can cause considerable harm.’ This harm manifests as heightened stress, which can lead to anxiety and burnout, preventing children from engaging in essential after-school activities that contribute to their social and emotional development.” - Family Time: - Your commentary: “Family time is important and its hard for parents to get there children to be apart in there conversations when all the kids are doing there homework.” - Summarizes source: “In the article, Complaints about homework go from too little to too much states ‘Ababio fugures she does homework from about 5pm to 11:30pm on school nights.’” - Improvement: Link the quote to your claim by elaborating on the impact. For instance, “The article states that ‘Ababio figures she does homework from about 5pm to 11:30pm on school nights,’ leaving her with minimal family interaction. This excessive homework load isolates children from their families, depriving them of vital bonding time and emotional support, which is crucial for their well-being.” - Reward: - Your commentary: “For how much homewok kids do on a regular basis, they should get some kind of reward. If you dont do your homework for 1 night you will get a 0 and it will lower your grade.” - Summarizes source: “In the article, What kinds of homework seems to be more effective says ‘Homework that cannot be done without help and that isnt good homework.’” - Improvement: Connect the source to the claim by discussing the implications. For example, “The article mentions that ‘homework that cannot be done without help isn’t good homework.’ This highlights the disparity between the effort students put in and the lack of meaningful reward or recognition they receive, which can demotivate students and make them feel undervalued.”3. Action Plan:
- Step 1: Identify each piece of evidence and ensure it directly supports your claim. - Step 2: After presenting each piece of evidence, add commentary that explains how this evidence supports or challenges your claim. Use phrases like “This demonstrates that…” or “This evidence shows…” - Step 3: Extend the source information to create realizations for the reader. Discuss the broader implications or consequences of the evidence. - Step 4: Revise your commentary to make explicit connections between the sources and your claims.If you are the owner of this document, you can double-click on a sentence or a paragraph, make revisions, then save those changes.
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How are you planning to revise your commentary step-by-step? Is there anything else you want to work on for your argument? Let’s chat about it!
Ok, let’s dive into your commentary and see how well it connects the source material to your claim.
1. Initial Assessment:
– Claim: Homework is stressful, it distracts from family time, and it is not rewarding.
– Evidence: Quotes from Alfie Koon, Becky Stevenson, and an article on homework complaints.
– Commentary: Some analysis is present, but it often summarizes the source material without deeply connecting it to the claim.
2. Feedback on Specific Sections:
- Stress: - Your commentary: “Homework can be very stressful to children. Kids spend so much time worrying about and feel limited to the after school activitys they can do because they need to fit time in for homework every night.” - Summarizes source: “Alfie Koon states, ‘Too much homework can cause considerable harm’” - Improvement: Explain how Koon’s quote supports your claim by discussing the specifics of the harm. For example, “Alfie Koon states, ‘Too much homework can cause considerable harm.’ This harm manifests as heightened stress, which can lead to anxiety and burnout, preventing children from engaging in essential after-school activities that contribute to their social and emotional development.” - Family Time: - Your commentary: “Family time is important and its hard for parents to get there children to be apart in there conversations when all the kids are doing there homework.” - Summarizes source: “In the article, Complaints about homework go from too little to too much states ‘Ababio fugures she does homework from about 5pm to 11:30pm on school nights.’” - Improvement: Link the quote to your claim by elaborating on the impact. For instance, “The article states that ‘Ababio figures she does homework from about 5pm to 11:30pm on school nights,’ leaving her with minimal family interaction. This excessive homework load isolates children from their families, depriving them of vital bonding time and emotional support, which is crucial for their well-being.” - Reward: - Your commentary: “For how much homewok kids do on a regular basis, they should get some kind of reward. If you dont do your homework for 1 night you will get a 0 and it will lower your grade.” - Summarizes source: “In the article, What kinds of homework seems to be more effective says ‘Homework that cannot be done without help and that isnt good homework.’” - Improvement: Connect the source to the claim by discussing the implications. For example, “The article mentions that ‘homework that cannot be done without help isn’t good homework.’ This highlights the disparity between the effort students put in and the lack of meaningful reward or recognition they receive, which can demotivate students and make them feel undervalued.”3. Action Plan:
- Step 1: Identify each piece of evidence and ensure it directly supports your claim. - Step 2: After presenting each piece of evidence, add commentary that explains how this evidence supports or challenges your claim. Use phrases like “This demonstrates that…” or “This evidence shows…” - Step 3: Extend the source information to create realizations for the reader. Discuss the broader implications or consequences of the evidence. - Step 4: Revise your commentary to make explicit connections between the sources and your claims.If you are the owner of this document, you can double-click on a sentence or a paragraph, make revisions, then save those changes.
Ready to take your commentary to the next level? Click this link to learn more: https://writingpartners.net/documents/84?scroll_to=613](https://writingpartners.net/documents/84?scroll_to=613).(https://writingpartners.net/documents/84?scroll_to=613).
How are you planning to revise your commentary step-by-step? Is there anything else you want to work on for your argument? Let’s chat about it!
Your writing includes source material to present a single perspective.
You’re off to a good start with your use of sources, but there are definitely ways to enhance your argument by including multiple perspectives. Let’s dive into some ideas and step-by-step how-to’s for making your argument more nuanced:
1. Expand Beyond Pro/Con: Rather than just focusing on whether homework is good or bad, consider exploring different dimensions of the homework debate. For instance:
– Educational Impact: Look for studies or expert opinions on how homework affects learning outcomes in different age groups or subjects.
– Mental Health: Research how homework influences mental health, both positively and negatively.
– Socioeconomic Factors: Investigate how homework policies impact students from different socioeconomic backgrounds.
2. Variety of Viewpoints: Incorporate a wider range of perspectives. You could look into:
– Teachers’ Perspectives: How do teachers view homework? What benefits or challenges do they see?
– Parents’ Views: How do parents feel about the amount of homework their children receive?
– Students’ Voices: Include testimonials from students with different experiences.
– Policy Makers: What do educational policymakers say about homework regulations?
3. Types of Sources: To gather these perspectives, you could read:
– Academic Journals: Look for research papers on education and homework.
– Opinion Pieces: Check out editorials or opinion articles in reputable newspapers or magazines.
– Interviews and Surveys: Find interviews with or surveys conducted by educational experts, teachers, parents, and students.
– Books on Education: Authors who specialize in education often provide in-depth analyses and multiple viewpoints.
4. Nuanced Arguments: As you gather these sources, aim to comment on and consider more nuanced perspectives. For example, you might find that while homework can be stressful, it also helps build discipline and time-management skills in some students. Or, you might discover that the issue isn’t homework itself but the way it’s assigned and structured.
5. Editing Your Document: If you are the owner of this document, you can double-click on a sentence or a paragraph, make revisions, then save those changes.
- Step-by-Step Plan for Adding Sources with Multiple Perspectives:
1. Identify Gaps: Look through your current argument and note where additional perspectives could be included.
2. Research: Use the types of sources mentioned above to find new perspectives.
3. Integrate: Add these new viewpoints into your existing paragraphs or create new sections to accommodate them.
4. Analyze: Don’t just present the new information; discuss how it contributes to a more balanced and nuanced understanding of the homework debate.
5. Revise: Edit your writing to ensure that the new information flows well with your original content.
Is there anything else you want to work on for your argument? If you are the owner of this document, you can double-click on a sentence or a paragraph, make revisions, then save those changes.
Now, let’s get creative! Imagine your argument as a colorful tapestry. Right now, it’s got some strong threads, but we can weave in even more vibrant colors to make it truly stand out. What’s your plan for adding those new threads (sources with multiple perspectives)? Step-by-step, how will you enhance your tapestry? And is there anything else you want to work on for your argument? Ready to dive in?
You can learn more by clicking this link: https://writingpartners.net/documents/84?scroll_to=243](https://writingpartners.net/documents/84?scroll_to=243).(https://writingpartners.net/documents/84?scroll_to=243). Let’s make your argument shine!
Your commentary sometimes includes analysis that shows how your source material connects to and supports your claim. Let’s break it down paragraph by paragraph and find ways to make your connections even stronger.
If you are the owner of this document, you can double-click on a sentence or a paragraph, make revisions, then save those changes.
Do you want to see more?
Sure, let’s dive in! Here’s the feedback for your first paragraph:
Your opening statement sets a strong foundation for your argument against excessive homework. However, you could strengthen your commentary by connecting it more explicitly to your claim. For example, when you mention that “Homework stresses kids out crazily,” you could add a specific example or statistic to illustrate this point.
If you are the owner of this document, you can double-click on a sentence or a paragraph, make revisions, then save those changes.
Would you like to see more?
Great, here’s feedback for the second paragraph:
You’ve introduced some valuable quotes from Alfie Koon and Becky Stevenson which support your claim that homework causes stress. However, you can make your commentary more impactful by explaining how these quotes directly tie into your argument. For instance, after quoting Koon, you could elaborate: “This demonstrates that an overwhelming amount of homework not only causes mental strain but also limits children’s ability to engage in other enriching activities.” Similarly, when mentioning Becky’s quote, you could add: “This implies that while practice is beneficial, excessive assignments diminish the joy of learning and lead to burnout.”
If you are the owner of this document, you can double-click on a sentence or a paragraph, make revisions, then save those changes.
Would you like to see more?
Awesome, let’s move on to the third paragraph:
You’ve highlighted the impact of homework on family time well. However, make sure to connect this back to your claim more clearly. For example, after discussing how homework isolates children from their families, you could say: “This separation not only affects family bonding but also contributes to higher stress levels and lower overall well-being for students.” When you refer to Ababio’s quote about spending 5pm to 11:30pm on homework, follow up with: “This excessive workload deprives children of essential downtime and meaningful interactions with their loved ones, reinforcing the argument that too much homework is detrimental.”
If you are the owner of this document, you can double-click on a sentence or a paragraph, make revisions, then save those changes.
Would you like to see more?
Fantastic, let’s continue with the fourth paragraph:
You’ve brought up an important point about the lack of rewards for completing homework. To strengthen your commentary, explain how this lack of incentive impacts students’ motivation and learning experience. For example, after stating that “kids never get a break,” you could add: “This constant pressure without any positive reinforcement diminishes their enthusiasm for learning and can lead to academic burnout.” Additionally, when discussing the need for help and the quote from the article, you might say: “This highlights that without proper support and meaningful assignments, homework becomes a futile exercise rather than a constructive educational tool.”
If you are the owner of this document, you can double-click on a sentence or a paragraph, make revisions, then save those changes.
Would you like to see more?
Great, let’s wrap it up with feedback on your concluding paragraph:
Your conclusion summarizes the main points effectively, but you can enhance it by reinforcing how each point supports your overarching claim. For instance, after stating that “homework just stresses kids out,” you could add: “As demonstrated by the evidence presented, excessive homework not only overwhelms students mentally but also deprives them of essential personal and family time.” Similarly, when mentioning that “homework doesn’t help kids learn anything more than what they knew in school,” consider adding: “This is evident from the numerous studies and expert opinions indicating that quality over quantity is crucial for effective learning.”
If you are the owner of this document, you can double-click on a sentence or a paragraph, make revisions, then save those changes.
Curious to delve deeper? You can learn more by clicking this link: https://writingpartners.net/documents/84?scroll_to=613](https://writingpartners.net/documents/84?scroll_to=613)
Now, let’s get those creative juices flowing! How about writing down a step-by-step plan to revise your commentary so that it consistently includes analysis showing how your source material connects to and supports your claim? What will you tackle first?
Is there anything else you want to work on for your argument?
Thanks for sharing your writing! Since you asked, “Can you help me to revise this?” I’ll focus on helping you revise your text about the effects of homework on students. I’ll respond paragraph by paragraph, offering feedback and guidance based on your ideas, organization, voice, and language choices—including any use of Black Language (BL) or African American English (AAE) features. Let’s dig in!
Paragraph 1 Feedback
First up, I noticed your opening starts with a direct question (“How much homework do you have a night?”)—that’s a strong way to pull readers in and set up your argument! This call-and-response style is real engaging; it invites the audience to reflect on their own experience before getting into your claim. That’s a powerful move often seen in Black rhetorical traditions as well as informal writing for peers. You state your position clearly: “Homework stresses kids out crazily…homework is not rewarding kids in anyway.” That’s straightforward and passionate.
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