sample news story #3
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For the first day of school, I interviewed Porter Smith, a Junior going into the 2024/2025 school year. Porter is an avid student athlete, currently participating in football and cross country for judges, along with club soccer at the same time. To add to this, Porter is also a first time ambassador this year, aiding new students in adjusting to their first year at Judge Memorial.
Your lead is Developing. While it provides necessary information about Porter Smith, it lacks a strong hook to immediately grab the reader’s attention. Here’s why:
You wrote: “For the first day of school, I interviewed Porter Smith, a Junior going into the 2024/2025 school year. Porter is an avid student athlete, currently participating in football and cross country for judges, along with club soccer at the same time. To add to this, Porter is also a first time ambassador this year, aiding new students in adjusting to their first year at Judge Memorial.”
Would you like to see more details about my assessment?
Your lead provides background information on Porter Smith, but it doesn’t engage the reader or create a sense of urgency or curiosity to continue reading. It reads more like a list of facts rather than an invitation into a compelling story. To improve your lead, consider the following:
1. Focus on a Strong Hook: Start with an intriguing detail or a compelling aspect of Porter’s story that will immediately draw readers in.
2. Use Active Voice: Engage readers by using active voice and vivid language that paints a picture of Porter and his activities.
3. Consider the “So What?”: Think about why readers should care about Porter’s story. What makes his experience unique or noteworthy?
Would you like to see another type of lead that might work well for your story?
Consider using a different type of lead to make your story more engaging:
1. Anecdotal Lead: Start with a short, interesting story or anecdote about Porter that highlights his character or achievements.
2. Scene-Setting Lead: Paint a vivid picture of Porter in action, perhaps during a football game or while helping new students as an ambassador.
3. Short Sentence Lead / Zinger Lead: Craft a punchy, attention-grabbing sentence that captures the essence of who Porter is.
Would you like to explore one of these types of leads further, or do you have another aspect of your writing you’d like to work on?
Focusing on the Short Sentence Lead / Zinger Lead for your story might be an effective approach. Since the goal is to capture attention immediately, consider what makes Porter Smith stand out. What is the most striking or unexpected aspect of his story?
Think about elements like his multitasking abilities, his leadership as a first-time ambassador, or a moment that encapsulates his dedication. For example, you might highlight a surprising fact or a moment of action related to his sports or ambassador role.
Would you like to brainstorm specific ideas for crafting this type of lead, or is there another aspect of the story you want to focus on?
Let’s brainstorm specific ideas for crafting a Short Sentence Lead / Zinger Lead for your story about Porter Smith. The key is to make it punchy and intriguing. Here are a few prompts to consider:
1. Highlight His Multitasking Abilities: What’s a surprising or impressive way Porter juggles his responsibilities? For instance, “Balancing a football in one hand and a textbook in the other, Porter Smith is a master of multitasking.”
2. Show a Moment of Action: Think of a specific moment that showcases his dedication. For example, “Whether on the field or in the hallways, Porter Smith never stops moving.”
3. Emphasize His Impact as an Ambassador: How does he make a difference for new students? “New students at Judge Memorial learn quickly: Porter Smith is the go-to guy for everything.”
Would you like to develop one of these ideas further, or do you have another angle in mind for your zinger lead?
For the first day of school, I interviewed Porter Smith, a Junior going into the 2024/2025 school year.Porter is an avid student athlete, currently participating in football and cross country for judgesJudge, along with club soccer at the same time. To add to this, Porter is also a first time ambassador this year, aiding new students in adjusting to their first year at Judge Memorial.
When asked how his first day was, Smith said that it was good, mainly in part to the teachers being in good moods. He also said that the first words that come to mind when thinking about the beginning of school were, “Hell, tiring, stressful, hard.” These are some pretty harsh words, but likely what many students are feeling at this point of the year because it’s hard to readjust to a school schedule.
Smith also mentioned what he missed, saying that he was a big fan of being able to sleep in during the summer and doing absolutely nothing, except for the overload of sports he is participating in. Despite all these negatives, Smith is also looking forward to the school year, but to no one's surprise, it has to do with athletics, “Sports because I like to play sports against a bunch of filthy low life little (insert bad word here).” He also paraphrased this by saying, “In other words go have a walk in the park playing high school soccer.
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