[Student Example: Analyzing] Where our feet are planted
I was born in ZhongShan, China. My parents sent me to the best kindergarten and elementary school in my cities. I was very out-going, so I talked to a lot of people in school, which made me get into trouble sometimes. Looking back, this taught me that it is good to have an outgoing personality, but I also learned that I need to balance my energy with responsibility. It made me realize that my voice is strong, and I need to use it in the right moments. I went to a boarding school for middle school. It was my first time to leave my family and live with other people. It took me a very long time to get used to the school. I realize how important being independent is and also how hard it is. I think I grew up a lot and understand the value of family from this experience. I still got into trouble for talking during class, school was very stressful after 8th grade, and I had to put all my time in school work. I couldn't go swimming anymore, which hurt me because I had been swimming for 7 years. My mom asked me if I want to come to Utah for high school at the end of my 8th grade. I thought about it for a long time and asked myself “why not?”. I want to stepped out from my comfort zone and took some risk for the things I wanted to achieve. I started to learn English and prepared everything I need for study in America. I was so happy when I got the visa and I came to Judge. My first year was hard. I didn't have many friends to talk to, and I needed to deal with cultural shock. Although I lived with my aunt, I still missed my parents and sisters a lot. After the experience I had in middle school, I really learned what "family" means to me again. Going through loneliness helped me understand that I can adapt and grow even when I feel lost. It also showed me that I am stronger and more patient than I thought.
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As you can see in versions 3 – 12, I followed the suggestion from the Analyzing Vibe to “go through your paragraph and, after each big moment in your story, add 1–2 sentences that say what that moment did to your perspective on life.”
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You are already doing a really clear, honest job answering the question “who am I / where am I coming from,” so you are on the right track for this prompt about identity and “where our feet are planted.” To answer your question about how to make it better based on the prompt, I would say the big next step is to connect your story more directly to the prompt’s language: your perspectives on life, where your feet are planted now, and how far your arms reach toward other people and places.
Right now, you describe where you were born, your schools, and your move to Utah. To make it fit the prompt more, you might ask yourself: How did each of these experiences shape how you see the world today? For example, how did being “very out-going” but “getting into trouble” affect the kind of student and friend you are now? How did boarding school and then moving to Utah change what you value or how you understand family, independence, or culture? You could add a few sentences that spell out your perspective on life now, not just what happened.
Do you want to see more ideas about organization, grammar choices, and ways to add more “voice” while you stay focused on this identity prompt?
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You are already asking the exact right question here: “can you be more specific and tell me what to do?” so I am going to stay really focused on that. Since you are working with this identity prompt about “where our feet are planted” and “how far our arms reach,” the most helpful specific next step is: go through your paragraph and, after each big moment in your story, add 1–2 sentences that say what that moment did to your perspective on life. For example, after you talk about boarding school, you could add how that changed what you think about being independent or being away from family. After you mention moving to Utah, you could add what that taught you about culture, language, or what “home” means to you. The question you are answering is really “who am I / where am I coming from / what do I see now because of that,” so you want to make sure you always come back to how your thinking and perspective changed, not just what happened.
Want to see the next specific things you can do with organization, grammar, and voice, still tied directly to this same identity question?
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Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Nice, you’ve already got a clear story arc: home → boarding school → moving to Utah → what you learned about yourself.
If you look back at the prompt’s language—“where our feet are planted” and “how far our arms reach”—where in your paragraph do you show where you’re planted right now, and where do you show your reach (your risks, goals, or hopes)?
You’ve got a lot about struggle and growth; is there one specific moment (a scene: a classroom, the airport, the dorm, the pool) you might zoom in on to make your identity feel more vivid instead of just summarized?
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Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Paul Allison is a nationally-known educator and EdTech expert… (more)
Cool, thanks for sharing this—there’s a really clear story arc from Zhongshan to Utah already.
To “make it better” for this prompt, I’m wondering:
- Where do you most feel your “feet are planted” right now—China, Utah, both, or somewhere in-between?
- And what are some specific ways your “arms reach”—like, what parts of your experience help you connect to classmates who are different from you?
You’ve got a lot about challenge and growth here; what’s one concrete moment (a scene, a conversation, a memory) you might add that really shows who you are now, not just what happened to you?
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